He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
