put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize