Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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