I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I licked your asshole in confidence.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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