Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
