Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
