Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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