Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
