i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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