4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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