I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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