Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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