Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
