Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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