would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
