If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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