Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
