Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
