I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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