So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
