i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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