Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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