You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
