I just saw a hot homeless man
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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