I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
