I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
