i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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