if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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