her vagine was all disorganized.
one might say we're banned from that church
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
