She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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