oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
