I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
