I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
