so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
