I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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