So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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