Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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