Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
