i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
