Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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