I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And then my night got REAL pukey
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
