I love having hate sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize