I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
