shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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