I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize