I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
