Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
