how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize