You can't special order awesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
