The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
