I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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