in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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