Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
