Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
