TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
