people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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