I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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