i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
