Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
