I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
