He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
