Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you traded sex for a burrito?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
