I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize