i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
