The maid of honor just puked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
