I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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