i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
