Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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