Kiss
Puke
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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