There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
