So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
