Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
