She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
