i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
