my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
