If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
barbara walters just said penis...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
