I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
