The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
