I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
