im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
