Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
