i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
