areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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