i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
