i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
