i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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