In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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