we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize