life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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