She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize