You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
