i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
