Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
