She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
