We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
where are you?
Hypothermia
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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