he puts the penis in happiness.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sarcasm needs its own font
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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