Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize