My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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