My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
