i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
