I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
